literature

A Wicked Hermit's Visit

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Literature Text

"I can hear you. Come out of hiding. Or shall I force you to show yourself?"

"Got me~"

A woman elegantly dressed in beautiful, blue clothing with a veil elegantly wrapped around her body, slowly approached the throne harboring a satori. Each step, like a graceful fox, breathtaking and ethereal. The woman had reached her destination, in front of the satori.

"My, don't you look cute~"

The woman reached out to the satori's head, hoping for a head pat, but her hand was quickly slapped away.

"Do not touch me."

"Ohoho~ Sensitive, aren't you?"

"What is your purpose here, Wu Qing'e?"

"Seiga Kaku, thank you very much. And my purpose here is simple. Crown Prince sent me here for negotiations."

"The saint? She never told me of any negotiations."

"She told me on a whim."

"...I don't like the way you're thinking."

"Oh, trust me~ It'll only be for a few minutes."

"...Fine."

"Ah, but I shall tell you, this has to be kept a secret."

"Then we shall negotiate in my room. The animals never enter there."

Time passed as the satori and the woman roamed through the halls of the palace, every animal looking at the visitor suspiciously.

"We have arrived."

The satori opened a door to a small, dainty room, books neatly piled into bookshelves and tables, a rather large bed placed near a huge window.

"How quaint." said the wicked hermit.

The satori closed the door, checking for any pets that may have followed her.

"So, what does Miko want?"

"I lied~"

"Then what are you truly here for?"

"You."

The satori crumpled to the ground, as horrifying, unspeakable thoughts flooded her mind.

"N-no... stop thinking those thoughts... s-stop...stop it..."
"You hear and see the thoughts of that which I have witnessed, don't you? Quite the horror isn't it, Satori?"

Seiga pinned down Satori, then lowered her head and whispered in her ear, a voice like a seductive goddess:

"Cry for me, Satori."

Satori let out a scream.

"Let me listen to your tears."

She struggled as much as Seiga would let her.

"Let me feed on your pain."

"Please stop... stop... s-stop it... stop... it hurts... stop..."

Seiga let go of the still wailing satori, then pulled out an amulet.

"Ah... no... don't... please don't..."

The wicked hermit picked the satori up from the floor and held her in a tight embrace.

"Satori... you're so cute~"

Satori didn't respond. Her previous mind torture drained all of her energy. She merely took deep, consecutive breaths while Seiga stroked her head like a cat.

"Become mine Satori. Serve me. For all your life."

Seiga tilted Satori's head until their eyes met, the satori's eyes tired from crying. Seiga affixed the amulet straight onto Satori's forehead, then gave her a kiss before letting her drop to the floor and writhe in agony as she protested the amulets attempt to control her.

"S..t..o..p... it hurts... please... mercy... please..."

"The amulet won't stop until you're mine.Fighting against it is futile."

Satori attemped to rip the amulet off, clawing furiously at her forehead.

"That won't work either. Only I can remove that"

Eventually, Satori succumbed to the amulet's powers and lay motionless on the floor.

"Rise."

Satori did exactly as Seiga told.

"Now, who is your master?"

"You... are... Master..."

"Good~ Now, I shall leave you here, commands will be given via that amu-"

"No! Don't leave me alone! I don't want to be alone!" interrupted Satori, rushing up to Seiga, giving her a tight embrace.

"Hey there... I'll still visit."

"But I'll be lonely! I don't want to be lonely. Please don't leave me master!"

~~~~~~~~~~~

Seiga had stayed with the satori until she fell asleep. She carried her to her bed and removed the amulet.

"Too clingy and needy... what a shame... she was a perfect puppet too."

And with that, she left.
what do you mean im being too mean to satori :^)

anyways, if you see any grammar mistakes or spelling mistakes, feel free to point them out
criticism is very much appreciated
© 2015 - 2024 Reshichu
Comments4
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AlgaeNymph's avatar
Oh yes, this is a good scene…

My main recommendation is to be more descriptive, particularly in the dialog.  However, I do have a clear idea of what’s going on in the story, though ‘amulet’ should be ‘paper amulet’ when writing for a Western audience.  As-is, you’re off to a good start, and using Seiga’s birth name was a nice touch.

Of all the scenes you’ve written, I feel this could develop into a good story.  Satori doesn’t seem like the type to let abuse go unpunished.  Would she send Utsuho, no lingering caring about the Spell Card Rules?  Would she bring her case to Reimu, or at least try to buy her services?  Would she petition petition Eiki in hopes of holy wrath?  Would she swallow her pride and go to Byakuren for help?  Or would she go it alone?  Each one is a potential story.

This also raises the question of what Seiga has that’d protect her…